Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Does anyone have any advice on how I could improve this paragraph?

I carried on down the icy paved hill stepping slowly to try avoid slipping, I could feel my body turning to ice as if I was dead, my lips as blue as bluebells , I approached the bottom of the hill, it was like stepping into a totally new world full of love, laughter, joy and happiness. Upon entering this new world the strong gales died down to a gentle breeze which blew though my hair, the heat from the sun entered my skin, defrost my frozen body and started boiling my blood. As I looked back I sore the darkness that I was once walking in and sighed a sigh of relief to be out the dark and gloominess of the town I called home. A girl was walking on the path to the side of me her blond hair brushed to perfection with a pretty little blue bow in her hair. Her uniform new, not a single fault could be seen. The enormous crimson door to the nursery opened and out walked the teacher her long lime coloured dress blow in the wind whereas her hair in a tight bun didn’t even move an inch.

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